Horrible Sad

42 mile bike ride, a little sunburnt, an afternoon of graduation parties, day off. so nice.  Was having dinner with my girls while the husband was at church doing his pastorly duty.  Phone call. It's Grandma. Have I talked to my mother? No, I hadn't.  As a matter of fact, she hasnt returned my emails or FB messages.  What's going on?  Grandma says my Mom has cancer. It's bad. I should call her.  I should have called her a long time ago, not just sent an email.  So, I called.  She is coughing so bad and weezing that I barely understood her. I had to work hard to get Grandma off the hook for calling me. WHY did I have to find out from my grandmother?  WHY would it be an issue? she's been sick for 2 months.  didn't tell me. she's my birthmother.  I've already lost my adoptive parents.  I must watch two sets of parents die.  And she cut me out of the knowing, the preparing.  I cannot put anymore words to the grief and anger and sadness.  She's terminal.